Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
update from the land of the dead...
Yesterday morning, I thought I smelled a dead mouse in my house (again).
Thought I heard one the other night, but have not seen evidence.
Yesterday, I didn't paint my office as planned,
but worked on a client.
Then I went to a moonshine tasting....awesome.
That put me in this super mellow mood.
I didn't smell anything dead in my house.
Thought i was safe.
this morning, i really could smell the critter.
I found it at 8:23am. I decided to do the disposal myself.
This is huge....
i had to attend to my own awful fears.
I put my gloves on....then I cleaned my bathroom.
I split kilning. I moved my wood stack to consolidate.
I moved lawn furniture, dead-headed pansies & cleaned my grill.
Cleaned two smoking pipes, folded sheets, washed three loads.
Burned through one glove, applied a new right hand glove....
went next door and asked my neighbor to do the disposal for me.
she told me to go find another sucker.
came back in, and slid a broken spatula
under the mouse and put it in the trash
no screaming
no dancing
no outward display of utter terror.
I even spent time looking at it all curled up and decomposing.
of course....since it was behind the water heater,
i spent five times looking in that direction,
but not looking exactly at the dead creature.
that is when i went to find someone else to do it for me.
I heard in my head, "Jamie, you are the one caught in the trap!"
Must have been Matayo....he talked to me like that.
three times more, I took a quick look at the dead mouse, then looked away.
It took me three hours to pick up that mouse,
but i did it with honor.
I lit incense, offered it up.
Hope i don't have to do this again.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Shake Up
Today, an earthquake hit off the coast of Japan. As I write this, a tsunami is hitting Hawaii; it is reported to be six feet high. We never know when life will take a turn. We never know when the next disaster strikes. Trees crash, tanks roll, people rise-up. Ocean water obliterates coastline, a rearranging of sand structures, island borders.
What are we worried about? What issues are present when life changes rapid and out-of- one's-control? When the safety and survival of raw living with no shelter, no food, no water and no bathroom saturate the culture.
Recreation, a process where creation decomposes, breaks-down, corrodes. Dismantled, whether by the natural aging process or the unnatural Act of God. If we lose our jobs, lose our loved ones, lose our sense of self, lose our way home, each of us are called to adapt or die.
Adaptation means softening to the influences of change. Fluidity, humor, awareness of the present moment, helps solve the dilemmas of where am I going to sleep tonight, how am I going to feed my children, when lost: what is the best direction, who am I now and how do I prove it?
Many of the global sacred writings share the wisdom of how every decision comes down to two answers Love or Fear. We attend to our daily lives either through love or fear. Bottom line! One may argue that my assertion is not true. So I guess this is my belief, my religious belief.
It seems to me our doing comes down to attitude.....attitude of Love or attitude of Fear...for the Love of Creation or the Fear of Death. Even when we are called upon to adapt, to change our lifestyle, to open our hearts.
Sometimes recreation hurts, produces pain, induces suffering as the structures and relationships crash. Somehow, the transformation cauldron bubbles and perks and stews. Ready to spurt out bubbling mud just as the Earth does, producing recreated ground.
What are we worried about? What issues are present when life changes rapid and out-of- one's-control? When the safety and survival of raw living with no shelter, no food, no water and no bathroom saturate the culture.
Recreation, a process where creation decomposes, breaks-down, corrodes. Dismantled, whether by the natural aging process or the unnatural Act of God. If we lose our jobs, lose our loved ones, lose our sense of self, lose our way home, each of us are called to adapt or die.
Adaptation means softening to the influences of change. Fluidity, humor, awareness of the present moment, helps solve the dilemmas of where am I going to sleep tonight, how am I going to feed my children, when lost: what is the best direction, who am I now and how do I prove it?
Many of the global sacred writings share the wisdom of how every decision comes down to two answers Love or Fear. We attend to our daily lives either through love or fear. Bottom line! One may argue that my assertion is not true. So I guess this is my belief, my religious belief.
It seems to me our doing comes down to attitude.....attitude of Love or attitude of Fear...for the Love of Creation or the Fear of Death. Even when we are called upon to adapt, to change our lifestyle, to open our hearts.
Sometimes recreation hurts, produces pain, induces suffering as the structures and relationships crash. Somehow, the transformation cauldron bubbles and perks and stews. Ready to spurt out bubbling mud just as the Earth does, producing recreated ground.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Are you mad at God?
"But everyone is mad at God for something."
I heard those words while I sat in a lavender painted extra-bedroom that served as a healing room for a woman who claimed to work with angels. I repeated what she said, "Everyone is mad at God for something?"
This statement did not compute with my mental capacity at that time. I wrinkled my nose and replied, "What would I be mad at God for, he didn't do anything to me."
The notion that everyone is mad at God or Divinity had me puzzled. If we, as humans, live in grace and faith, where is there room for anger? Anger versus Appreciation, seemed to be a great name for a title bout. It wasn't that I denied I had any anger at God, no, I was totally open to explore any hidden anger I held for any Deity.
I started to notice other people's anger at God, and then some of my clients started to confess to me that they had a deep feeling of anger at God. A general 'pissed-off-ness' pervaded the stories told as I worked with my clients. I looked more closely at this void I seemed to have for any anger at God.
When I moved to Nashville, I started working with a lovely woman who used a specialized light therapy. It was during a session with her when I discovered that I too was furious with God. As I lay on her sofa, breathing rapidly, as if I was reliving a piece of the deepest suffering, I said, "If it all ends in death, why be born at all?"
There it is was, here it is: my anger at God. If my life was to end in death, why did he create me in the first place. It seemed like the cruelest of jokes, the meanest of tricks, the most illogical expression of creation. Anke, the woman who worked with me, repeated the words I just said, "If it all ends in death, why be born at all?"
This morning, I am reflecting on the nature between Duality and Unity. In duality thinking, of course we are separated from our Divinity nature. Unity implies that the Divine and I are united. We are one; we all are One. However, reflecting back on a Logic Class I attended, which was mandatory curriculum as a freshman at Gonzaga University, an All or Nothing argument is not always the most sound argument.
Nothing versus Something, Duality over Unity, or is the true secret of creation in the lines of a song I have heard sung so sweetly, "Spirit and Nature Dancing Together, Victory to Spirit, Victory to Nature." That creation is endless, never beginning, ceasing to end, just a commingling of energy and densities of matter.
I heard those words while I sat in a lavender painted extra-bedroom that served as a healing room for a woman who claimed to work with angels. I repeated what she said, "Everyone is mad at God for something?"
This statement did not compute with my mental capacity at that time. I wrinkled my nose and replied, "What would I be mad at God for, he didn't do anything to me."
The notion that everyone is mad at God or Divinity had me puzzled. If we, as humans, live in grace and faith, where is there room for anger? Anger versus Appreciation, seemed to be a great name for a title bout. It wasn't that I denied I had any anger at God, no, I was totally open to explore any hidden anger I held for any Deity.
I started to notice other people's anger at God, and then some of my clients started to confess to me that they had a deep feeling of anger at God. A general 'pissed-off-ness' pervaded the stories told as I worked with my clients. I looked more closely at this void I seemed to have for any anger at God.
When I moved to Nashville, I started working with a lovely woman who used a specialized light therapy. It was during a session with her when I discovered that I too was furious with God. As I lay on her sofa, breathing rapidly, as if I was reliving a piece of the deepest suffering, I said, "If it all ends in death, why be born at all?"
There it is was, here it is: my anger at God. If my life was to end in death, why did he create me in the first place. It seemed like the cruelest of jokes, the meanest of tricks, the most illogical expression of creation. Anke, the woman who worked with me, repeated the words I just said, "If it all ends in death, why be born at all?"
This morning, I am reflecting on the nature between Duality and Unity. In duality thinking, of course we are separated from our Divinity nature. Unity implies that the Divine and I are united. We are one; we all are One. However, reflecting back on a Logic Class I attended, which was mandatory curriculum as a freshman at Gonzaga University, an All or Nothing argument is not always the most sound argument.
Nothing versus Something, Duality over Unity, or is the true secret of creation in the lines of a song I have heard sung so sweetly, "Spirit and Nature Dancing Together, Victory to Spirit, Victory to Nature." That creation is endless, never beginning, ceasing to end, just a commingling of energy and densities of matter.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sake to me!
Why did I put a passionate guy talking about sake on my blog?
Do I know this guy? No.
Do I like what he has to say? Yes.
I first fell in love with sake when I lived out west. I never had a bad experience with sake, and I found the warmth of the spirit served in Asian restaurants to be soothing on a winter day. Since, I have learned that the best sake is served cold and it should be overflowing, with the extra alcohol caught in the saucer under the cup. At least, this is what I was taught, I don't have proof to back it up.
My old teacher, Matayo, and I drank sake on days I came to visit him. There were some years I wintered twenty-five miles away at a place called Oh My God Hot Well. I would load up water bottles from several folks in camp. I drove S-22 toward Borrego Springs on Tuesdays, filled up the ten and fifteen gallon containers with the sweet water from the Anza-Borrego State Park and visit Matayo.
He always had the type of sake which is better heated. Matayo used a hot plate and a stainless steel bowl to swirl the sake, he used vice grips to take the metal bowl off of the flame. The wind blew hard in the dessert, but we would strip down to our nakedness, drink hot sake, dialog, do a little art therapy, and talk about mastery.
Sake, a drink I savor when I toast my teacher, Matayo.
Do I know this guy? No.
Do I like what he has to say? Yes.
I first fell in love with sake when I lived out west. I never had a bad experience with sake, and I found the warmth of the spirit served in Asian restaurants to be soothing on a winter day. Since, I have learned that the best sake is served cold and it should be overflowing, with the extra alcohol caught in the saucer under the cup. At least, this is what I was taught, I don't have proof to back it up.
My old teacher, Matayo, and I drank sake on days I came to visit him. There were some years I wintered twenty-five miles away at a place called Oh My God Hot Well. I would load up water bottles from several folks in camp. I drove S-22 toward Borrego Springs on Tuesdays, filled up the ten and fifteen gallon containers with the sweet water from the Anza-Borrego State Park and visit Matayo.
He always had the type of sake which is better heated. Matayo used a hot plate and a stainless steel bowl to swirl the sake, he used vice grips to take the metal bowl off of the flame. The wind blew hard in the dessert, but we would strip down to our nakedness, drink hot sake, dialog, do a little art therapy, and talk about mastery.
Sake, a drink I savor when I toast my teacher, Matayo.
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